10 THINGS TO DO WHEN MY RELATIONSHIP GETS BORING
When routine, like a playful cat, set in a relationship, all seems lost and tasteless. And yet, the boost exists: initiatives in bed and renewed dialogues, romantic attentions, and beautiful projects. Don’t panic, we’ll come to your aid. Couple life? We know the scenario, far from being an original Netflix creation. Once past the great passions of the beginnings, monotony creeps in, little by little. And soon, without realizing it in time, it seems to be everywhere. But nothing alarming about all this: it is not too late to change the situation. Yes, everyday life for two can be quite boring, soporific, even boring as it is not allowed – let’s not be afraid of words. But there is a solution to each problem. Or rather, “his”. Here are 10 ways to help
1. FORMALIZE THE SITUATION CLEARLY (TOGETHER): This is the basis to know what is wrong, it is important to ask the question. Formulate it, together, without doing a separate introspection. If something is wrong with the dialogue, the dead-end is immediately a form of response to your questions. Which ones? Psychology Today lists them: “Have you lost interest in your partner as a person? Does what he or she no longer matter to you? Or are you still touched by his or her weaknesses while feeling that your relationship lacks spontaneity?” As you will have understood, before trying out acrobatics or various initiatives, ask yourself clearly, and make sure to escape the dialogue of the deaf. Ah, and of course, pride remains at the doorstep.
2. DEFINE WHAT YOU THINK BOREDOM IS: As we can imagine, boredom is one of the main causes of dysfunction in couples. Once this evidence has passed, a new major question remains to be asked: what exactly is boredom? What forms does it take in your daily life? Is it permanent, episodic? Seemingly awkward thinking points, indeed necessary, since not everyone has the same definition of boredom. Weariness, torpor, nervousness, embarrassment, impatience, what we call “boredom” takes many forms and is declined over subjectivities … And sensitivities. Maybe it is the perception of your relationship, rather than the reality, that is boring. If you believe what you see in romantic comedies you might think that if you don’t take off to great destinations then something is wrong with you.
3. GET OUT OF THE ROUTINE: Good, but once detailed this routine which shoots everything, the question remains at a thousand points: how to debunk it? Solutions abound. Just listen to the sexuality coach Carlyle Jansen. In the pages of Bustle, the expert deploys the rescue plan. Volunteer activities to accomplish together, various learning activities (wine tasting, climbing, ballroom dancing), walks in neighborhoods that are new to you … You don’t need to be Lara Croft to make her weeks adventurous. What we could add: weekend stopovers in the countryside or near the sea, evening at a restaurant (a new restaurant if possible), cultural excursions in unexplored territories. There are many ways to think outside the box without distorting your osmosis. Sexuality educator Danielle Sepulveres reassures us: “Just find something that makes the day different, that can change your routine for the better, or even become a new habit”.
4. TRY THE ROLE PLAY: When we send the gloom of our life flying, all that remains is to do the same in bed. For this, a string of fantasies is offered to you. Some of these very popular “kinks” may well take the form of “IRL”, with everyone’s consent of course. One of the most experienced remains the role-playing game. It requires inventiveness, a certain understanding, and sometimes quite a bit of gear, but the rewards are worth the effort. After all, as sex educator Anne Louise Burdett puts it, “everyone wants to know what it’s like to be someone else or to live a different life,” and the role-playing game practice this immersion. And if the fear of ridicule points the tip of its nose during the experience, so much the better: contagious laughter brings people together and warms up.
5. PLAY IT ROMANTIC: Another tip unchecked by the feminine to spice up your days or nights for two? Punctuate the home with words of love, here and there, in bedrooms, bags, near the computer. A bit of a cliché, but why not? Your thoughtful messages should be “short and sexy”. You will be given the choice to scent them or not. Overall, it’s about playing it romantic, trendy candlelit dinners, little gestures that make all the difference, and baths haloed by candles. Sometimes it’s the funniest idea that strikes the most: It involves embracing the candy-pink feelings you have for your partner without the slightest complexion. And that is beautiful.
6. FIND A “DIFFERENT LANGUAGE”: Behind this strange name, benevolent advice from psychoanalyst Patrick Lambouley. In the magazine Psychologies, the expert prescribed to couples in need of thrills to put the la on communication. And to communicate is also to dwell on this “different language” that is art: musical, culinary, visual … Make your senses or your bodies dance! The shrink says: “When we do not speak with the other, things end because what brings us towards infinity, it is precisely the word. It is a question of finding a different language: to admire a painting together, read, watch a movie … “. In short, contemplate, visit, enjoy.
7. DESECRATE SEXUALITY: Boosting your routine also means qualifying your point of view. Getting rid of all the pressures inherent in our sexuality would already be a good start. Other horizons are emerging beyond sex and they are just as glamorous. There are people for whom sexuality is not of paramount importance, who are more satisfied in a bond of brotherhood, of tenderness, than in a bond where sex, at some point creates discomfort. Come on, we’re in distress.
8. REMEMBER THE GOOD OLD DAYS: Without getting into the “it was better before” or taking the violins out of melodrama, a slight glance in the retro will allow you to take stock and rekindle the flame – or at least give it a try. Especially when too long a routine has long since kicked off a spontaneity that, like Gwyneth Paltrow’s career, is just an old memory. This nostalgic motivation, dating expert. Remembering what unites you could rekindle a spark that had disappeared for some time, help you remember what you enjoyed doing it together.
9. SET UP PROJECTS: “Just as everyone needs a promotion in their job to feel energized, couples need to feel the same adrenaline rush in their relationship,” continues expert Kali Rogers. Good to know if you don’t want your small business to sink. This adrenaline, we feed it by planning future projects.
10. RECOGNISE THAT BOREDOM IS NATURAL IN A RELATIONSHIP: For the coach and therapist Anita Chlipala, the boredom that readily poisons our relationships is not an anomaly, it is quite the opposite: it is natural. Understanding this allows us not to dramatize and to undermine taboos without raising the alarm – yes, torpor in a relationship is usual. Sometimes all it takes is “a little effort to get a couple out of this rut,” the expert advises Bustle. Life together doesn’t always mean excitement or achievement. It is also in this very human imperfection that the next shocks are tied – those which will come to destabilize the moments of hesitation so dreaded.
So, stay cool.