Disruptive emotions usually arise from a breakup, such as anger, grief, guilt, frustration, disappointment. Whether this rupture is effective by mutual agreement, because the situation encountered makes it impossible to continue the relationship or it destabilizes you because it is sudden, separation, or divorce, is never without consequences and causes a multitude of negative emotions in seconds, as we observed a few weeks ago.
In any case, a romantic breakup is painful in most cases, even if after the fact it turns out to be necessary or beneficial. We are never prepared to face suffering, this is all the more true in the case of a sudden breakup, a divorce, a legal separation. He then began what is called mourning in love.
HOW TO RECOVER FROM A ROMANTIC BREAKUP?
Whether it is a sudden break-up or a conventional break-up, reconstruction goes through four key stages, here are some ideas:
YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO EXTERNALIZE YOUR SUFFERING.
It does not matter, the origin of the separation or its progress, because in the first place it results in extreme suffering which surpasses any other emotion. When faced with pain, nothing matters except the pain that floods you, it is a well-known fact. Above all, you should not ignore it or try to avoid it, because it is part of the necessary mourning on which reconstruction depends entirely. On the contrary, you have to accept the fact that for a while, longer or shorter depending on the person, you will not feel very well. Talk about your emotional state, your grief, to loved ones you trust and who have a real listening quality. They will be able to understand you, but also to support you in this difficult stage, to say the least. If necessary, write to evacuate your grief, this is also a positive alternative. However, avoid reading love poems, sad quotes, or lost love quotes, this would only confine you in a state of despair. By evacuating your grief and the negative emotions that this situation implies, it will allow you to feel surrounded and facilitate your reconstruction.
ACCEPTING THE SEPARATION AND VENTING YOUR ANGER IS A NECESSITY.
In the different phases following the breakup, we meet after the grief, that of acceptance from which emanate different emotions directly related to the personality of each. Among these, it could be anger, hatred, or, conversely, understanding. Like suffering, it is imperative for you to accept these emotions, even if they overwhelm you. Whatever you wish for the person who hurt you, feeling these different emotions is a good sign because it is necessary. You have the most legitimate right to hold it against him, to curse or hate him, to want revenge. These emotions show that you are moving through the different stages of your reconstruction. You are no longer devoured by suffering and sorrow and you are no longer an inert victim.
UNDERSTAND THE CAUSES OF RUPTURE
You need to understand the causes of the breakup, because, after the first two stages flooded with a multitude of feelings and passed with more or less difficulty, you are in the phase of reflection which, too, is important. You will need to establish a balance sheet identifying the reasons that led to this rupture. You need to analyze the situation to understand the causes that may have caused the separation. However, do not make a value judgment, which could be more bad than good. Tell yourself that if your partner is gone, it is because he had inherently good reasons, in his opinion, even if that is not your opinion. In any case, sufficient reasons not allowing your relationship to last healthily and serenely. Otherwise, your partner, man or woman, was not the person who could make you happy. In these circumstances, it was appropriate to end your relationship, long before it was too late.
CARRY OUT NEW PROJECTS
You need to think about new projects and set goals. Once you have passed the first three stages, you are now able to get back to life. You have to remove anything that can remind you of your ex-partner in your daily life without making the slightest feeling. If you don’t, you run the risk of undoing all the efforts you put in to overcome the previous three phases.
● Gather all his belongings in a box that you will store in a place where you do not go. Seeing them can only bring you back to your memories and your sufferings.
● Do not go, at least for a while, to the places where you used to go together.
● At the same time, to remove any memories, change your interior, repaint your walls, integrate a new decoration, etc.
● Set yourself new goals to approach your future by completely breaking with the habits you had in common. Do activities that you have never done before. Travel or visit places that are new to you. Reconnect with people you value but have lost sight of. Escape!
In short, relearn how to live without him/her. Allow yourself the freedom to leave a small door open for new encounters, maybe your true love is just steps away from you. Show that you are back in control of your life, sooner or later love will return. To go further and find help with a coach in training, do not hesitate to get help to recover from a sentimental breakdown.